Heaven and Hell

      After many, many long days we finally were released from Huntsman to an impatient rehab hospital in Sandy last Saturday night.   Chris got to breath in fresh autumn air and see a glimpse of the sunset before they loaded him in the ambulance for transport.   Compared to the crazy high 100+ days that we were experiencing the week we were admitted, it was a nice change.   

        The original plan was to return to Huntsman this past Thursday for more chemo.   However knowing he has quite a ways to go to gain strength I asked Dr Sborov to give us more time here if he thought it was possible.    With how aggressive his myeloma became it was a tough call, but he agreed and they moved the chemo plan to next week.   It's encouraging to see him progress.     Dialysis three times a week really zaps his energy,  but he is dedicated to getting better and regaining his independence.   We are hoping in the next couple days he'll feel strong enough to stand and that before we leave here he'll feel comfortable walking a few steps.   That way when he starts chemo next week he can maintain and hopefully continue to progress.   

      One thing we both were worried about was if I would be able to be with him while he was here, so it was a relief to both of us to find that I can.   The past few weeks I've also started to work from the hospital.   It's both a blessing and a challenge.  It's a blessing that I can work remotely,  but a challenge  because it makes already long days longer.  A blessing in some ways because it helps life feel a bit "normal", but also a challenge because I struggle to find the right balance.   There's much to do here at the hospital, much to be done at work and also much to be done to try and pick up the pieces of our life that have been neglected.    One of my most favorite moments has been at the end of the past few days I've climbed into his bed at the end of the day and snuggled in his arms.   Something we haven't been able to do for weeks, it really is a piece of heaven on earth.  

   In looking for a quote to add to this blog, I came across this one that brought me to tears as it was perfectly fitting.   I always think of Chris as a warrior, but I think I should consider myself one.    The past six weeks have been precisely that, hell on earth.   There has been much pain and darkness which I have not written about because it is simply too hard to put into words.   

 

      The past month and a half has been a tough battle for Chris.   Fighting and defying the odds of not just one but two nearly catastrophic medical events.   I think for now he's transitioned to healing instead of surviving.   The precious moments of being able to talk or snuggle with him are are such a gift to both of us and very healing to heart and soul.   Often times, we may not know what to say and resort to saying "I love you" over and over.  That's OK, because it's true.

   

     Aside from another round of chemo we don't know much of what the future holds.   But I'm grateful that we will be together through it all.