Calm Heart, Calm Mind

      Over the past two days, Chris has made so much progress.   Friday afternoon he emerged from the darkness that engulfed his mind.  The light came a little at a time, and brought with it portions of peace and joy.  He has progressed from saying just a few words, to being able to answer the simple questions that somehow became so difficult.    How hard and frusterating it must have been for him to not be able to respond to the question "What is your name?"   

     Yesterday he was pretty tired and slept most of the day.   I was grateful for the opportunity for him to do so.   I myself took time to go for a walk and enjoy the sunshine and cool breeze.   As well as the flowers along my path.   The day was quiet, but a welcome change to the anguish of the previous days.    

      Last night he had a visit from Carmen and Isaac.   It was music to my soul to hear him laugh.   He even played a mean trick on Carmen, causing her to nearly jump out or her skin.  

     Today he has been so grateful to do such simple tasks that we all take for granted.    He petitioned his nurse constantly to allow him to have an ice cube.    Then another, and another.  He complains to his nurse about the great ice cube shortage of 2022.    I can't even fathom how dry his mouth must feel after almost a week without a drink.  

    When he worked with Jane from OT, he was so excited to brush his teeth.    The simple movement of untwisting the cap took such effort, but he was determined. Brushing his teeth "felt like heaven."   Profound sadness also crossed his face when she showed him his reflection in the mirror.    Dialysis lines protruding from his neck, a feeding tube in his nose and an oxygen cannula dangling awkwardly trying to fight for a place to be.    

     As I've lain my head on my pillow each night, it is so easy for the horrors of the past few weeks to come flooding back.   But repeating the words of Dr Sborov have helped push them "Calm Heart, Calm Mind".    Today they will also be filled with the tender moments spent side by side with my sweetheart.   Sometimes words aren't necessary to communicate the profound gratitude for being able to survive this trial together and the promise of eternity together.