A Moment... A Day... A Lifetime

     It's been a couple months since I blogged, there really hasn't been much to pass along.   Next week he starts his 12th cycle of DRd (because how the weeks have fallen, the 3rd already this year).   They  have slightly lowered his daily chemo dose which has been a nice change.   The lower dose is a bit easier to tolerate and doesn't make him fill quite as crummy.   However even with the lower dose the week he gets off still does make a big difference.   Cancer has changed our lives, and it's hard not to long for the life before.   When things were... easier.   When there was more time for fun and wasn't filled with doctors appointments.  When we could plan ahead more than the current moment or day.   We are grateful that this chemo is working and hope that it will for a long time.   This is likely as good as life is going to get for now, and we try to make the most of it.

      For the past month or so Chris has been battling an infection in his leg.   It's been very painful and continued to get worse.   Chris said it feels like he's been growing a horn.   His leg has been very swollen and tender.  The infection finally settled into a large bump on the front of his shin.  I've stepped up in my nursing duties and with a strong dose of antibiotics it's finally starting to mend.   It's like someone ripped the horn off and left a gaping hole that's trying to repair.  For someone who used to pass out at the sight of blood, I've come a long way.   As Mary, the APRN who works with Dr Sborov said "Healing is Gross".   I agree!  But it's also amazing.     



    One thing that's been on my mind lately is our interaction with people and how they make our lives better.   The nurses at both the main Huntsman and the Daybreak location have become like good friends/family.   They are more aware than even normal friends because they know the nitty gritty details of all that you are going through.  One of Chris's favorite nurses is finishing the end of his training and sadly was won't be around anymore.   When I asked Chris why he was his favorite, he said that it was because Jason made him feel like a person and not patient.   He would ask the medical things he needed, but also took a little bit of time to get to know him on a personal level and would even talk video games with him.   He was better than others at accessing Chris's port.   Chris deals with a lot of pain, so the fact that Jason can spare him some is a blessing.   .   At one point when there was a choice of "fun bandaids" he would always save the poop emoji ones for Chris.   Cause well, having cancer is crappy and a poop emoji bandaid represents that.   Jason often went the extra mile to make sure that Chris felt comfortable and we both appreciate it. 


      Another person who has also made a big difference in our life is our friend John.   John has sat with me in the waiting room for multiple surgeries and been with both of us through some very difficult times.   He's rescued the day many times by bringing food when both of us were too tired to do anything.   I sprained my ankle a couple weeks ago and thanks to John I was able to spend the weekend with it kicked up on the couch.   He's lived with us or very close by the past couple years and made our lives a lot easier.   He's always surprising us with treats and trying to make us laugh (although for those who know him... he has a different sense of humor).   He's starting a new job in Wyoming in a couple weeks and we are going to miss him.

    We're also lucky to have another good friend, Steve.   He is no stranger to heartache and has come into our life at a time when it was needed and it feels like we've been friends for ages.   He has a knack for showing up just when needed.   About two weeks ago when the pain is Chris's leg was unbearable, he showed up on our doorstep with headache medicine (aka Dr Pepper) and his two sons.   He provided the sacrament for Chris as well as a priesthood blessing and then he and his sons talked Star Wars which was a great distraction.   He often brings Chris lunch and his friendship has been a huge boost to Chris's morale.   We're both lucky to have him nearby and are grateful for his ability to sense when he is needed and come to help. 

      A couple weeks ago I was taken by surprise when my boss of many, many years suddenly decided to move on to move on to new adventures.   When I think of one word to describe him, it's compassionate.    He's helped me in a lot of ways, but one way for which I will always be grateful was that at a time when I needed it more than ever, he helped me better understand how to balance the priorities of a work and family life.     When Chris was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he was one of the first people I told, after which I sobbed all the way home.   So many times since then when life kept getting harder, he was there to check on me.   I'm so grateful for all the ways in which he has lifted my burdens, and he is already missed greatly.   He's been in my life for "many moments" but impacted me for a lifetime.   Because he wasn't just a co-worker, he's also a friend and in his wise words "the best part of friendship is jobs didn't determine friends".   

    The quote I started the blog with really is true.  Cancer does change the way you live your life.   It makes it harder but also more grateful for all those little things.    Hot rolls from a neighbor... a card in the mail from your mom... pictures from an aunt and uncle who paint your name on the ice in a hockey game in honor of cancer...  a text from a someone checking in you...an aunt inviting you to do something fun...

     More than 20 years ago after the sudden and unexpected loss of a best friend, I wrote the poem below.   It's words ring true today.    The "little things" aren't always physical items, they are the acts of service, words of kindness and love that we show for one another. 

     Thanks for being the "little things" that support us!