Just Breathe

    Three weeks ago when we reached Chris's birthday and he didn't need an infusion of calcium we thought the hypocalcemia problems were behind us.   That hope was short lived when the next week at chemo his calcium was low again, enough to need an infusion.  Despite the worry that settled into the pit of our stomach,t hat weekend we were able to enjoy a birthday dinner that my parents brought.   As well we also attended the light festival (where they launch lanterns into the air, like Tangled).  Chris works for the company that does the lights festival and it was nice to have one close to home that we could attend, it was a beautiful evening. 

     The following Monday we were back at Huntsman for more calcium.  On Wednesday met back with his team to start Cycle 6 of his current chemo.   They are perplexed by his continued low calcium and ordered more tests.   The Zometa should be out of his system.   For now they are thinking the low calcium is being compounded by very low Vitamin D.   It's not a quick fix and takes about 8-12 weeks.   He started taking vitamin D about a month ago, so low calcium is likely our companion for another month or two.  It could also be a sign that his brain tumor has grown, and so next week we are hoping he'll be able to do an MRI to get an update of it's status. 


    With the horrible fires this summer, the smoke has been made going outside tough and Chris's breathing more difficult.   However this week on Monday night things to take a sudden turn for the worse.      Chris was struggling and grasping for breath.  We tried everything we could think of and nothing seemed to help.   It brought back so many memories of early last year   He was struggling and fight so hard for something that is so easy for most all of us.   As we headed up to the main Huntsman for another calcium infusion Facebook popped up a reminder that a year ago today we were meeting with Dr Wong (the ophthalmologist) and a simple post that said "Please let it be fixable."  More memories of last year at this time and all of those struggles took my breath away.     The thoughts of last year at this time are never far from our mind, but this week they were smacking us in the face.

       His calcium was better, but still low enough to need an infusion.   It gave us time to make arrangements for ENT to see if they could help with his trach.   When we got to the ENT clinic and they did a scope, the problem was pretty apparent.   At the end of his trach is a growth, called a granuloma.   It's a collection of immune cells and the body's reaction to a foreign object it can't remove.    It's blocking his trach and rendering it practically useless.   One blessing, the stenosis (narrowing) of his airway is at least not as bad as it was last May, otherwise the situation would have warranted emergency surgery.  He's able to get some air through his nose and mouth, but he's adapted to breathing through the trach so trying to retrain his body to breath normally isn't easy.   During the day it's bearable, but nights are torture for both of us as he struggles to breath and I lay there listening to him struggle.

       Dr Smith was completely booked and the earliest they could squeeze him in was this afternoon.   This week at my work is our yearly manager meetings.   They are something I look forward to every year and I thought I might end up missing.   But with Chris's encouragement I went yesterday and this morning.   It was a blessing.   While meant as a uplifting work message as a manager, they shared this video about the importance of coaching.   The kind words of a leader just moments before talking about not being able to imagine the "load I bear" was fresh on my mind.   The trials that we are facing together are unbelievably difficult and we each are carrying a difficult mental, physical and mental load.     I am grateful to have so many cheering us on and because of others we have been able to go much further than we ever thought possible.   

      Today before leaving my co-workers/friends all gathered in prayer offered specifically for Chris, me and the medical professionals helping us today.   I'm so lucky to work for a place where this is not just a possibility, but was offered by my boss as something that they would like to do.   A room full of people, surrounded in love.    Sensing the tears streaming down my cheeks, an arm of support was slid around me.   It was a powerful moment that left not just myself and many other's in tear's.   More hugs were offered and I was soon headed home to pick up Chris and get headed on our way. 

      It really should be a simple surgery and Chris should be breathing much easier again soon.   There have been so many other messages of love today and we've been strengthened and blessed to be able to bear them. 


     

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