It's all about Time

     I think this is going to go down in my record book as a year about time.   Where days, weeks and months seemed to pass both slowly and quickly at the same time.   Where each morning you wake up and its a struggle to try and figure out what day of the week it is.   It seems as if my birthday was just yesterday and months ago all at the same time.  What an interesting month it has been and how things have changed.   Watching the news feels like watching the twilight zone and going out in the world feels much the same way. 

      In between chemo and our appointment with Dr Sborov the following week, we went for MRI's.   Being able to get imaging (PET, MRI's or a CT) has been challenging since Chris's diagnosis and something we've always been trying to do.   It's an important part of watching his myeloma.   We've settled for X-Rays looking for lesions, and for Ultrasounds to check on the plasmacytoma on his sternum.   But for the first time we were able to get an MRI.   It wasn't the best experience and the people at the facility were downright rude and very unprofessional.   MRI's are loud and uncomfortable.   However, Chris was able to get about half way through before it was just too much.   He left discouraged and I left worried.   More than previous scans, the radiologist kept coming over and checking out the images while the tech had them up on the computer.   I was worried that they were seeing things we weren't aware of.   I tried not to think of it too much, and I made sure not to tell Chris, as he would definitely have worried. 

      The next week we met with Dr Sborov.   Because of  COVID it was our first ever virtual visit.  I hope that they continue to be an option in the future.   We didn't have to drive up to "the mother-ship" and fight traffic.  In some of our previous visits we would guess at how long we would wait.   In the waiting room, in the room, after talking to the nurse or PA and before we finally saw him.   This time, however, and right at our scheduled appointment time he connected in and we had a great conversation.   Instead of getting the condensed version of how things were from the nurse/PA, he asked us directly.

      He addressed the results of the MRI and was happy with the results.    They were clean!   Can we get a hooray!  While Chris wasn't able to complete all that they had ordered, he was happy with them.   The large plasmacytoma that was on his sternum, is as far as they can tell, was gone!   There were no visible bone lesions either.

      Then, he asked how Chris was tolerating chemo and, as we have done in previous visits, Chris talked about how the last four days he feels like it's just pushing his body too hard and how miserable he is.  We were both surprised when Dr Sborov said, "well let's drop them!"   Chris would have been happy cutting out just 2 days, but Dr Sborov was OK with 4.   So now instead of the original 21 days of Revlimid that we started with, he's been able to drop from 14 down  to 10!   Less than half!   It was effective immediately and has already made a huge difference.   As we start cycle 29 of DRd this week, it's a huge blessing to look forward to seeing more better days on the horizon.   You may remember my last blog was titled "Hoping and Wishing" and included this quote.  The "better days" are plentiful for us this month.

    Along with the change to Chris's chemo, I have also had a major life changing event.   Even bigger than just dropping 4 days of chemo.   Actually...MUCH, MUCH BIGGER!   After a short transition time next week, I will no longer be a store manager at Seagull.   I've spent 20+ years working in retail at Seagull and it's  been a huge part of my life.   Making the decision to give up my store and jump into something new wasn't a decision to be made lightly.   If feels surreal and it still feels a bit like a dream to wake up from, but it's true... I started a new job this week! 



     As things developed, and the decision to give up my store was placed before me, I was at first very overwhelmed.     However that feeling was quickly overshadowed by an even bigger feeling of peace.   I felt strongly that God was the one putting things in motion.  This was the right decision.   I will miss seeing my friends, co-workers and the customers on a daily basis.   However, interacting with the public and being worried about bringing any kind of sickness (especially Covid) home to Chris has really been a huge stressful weight on my shoulders.   We both feel a profound peace in each other's company.


    There are many positive changes with this transition.   The major one being that for a majority of my time, I will be working from home.   Being able to be close to home has been a blessing, but there have been times where he needed me and I was unable to come home.  And there were often times when I knew he was having a bad day and just the peace of mind of having me nearby would have given him comfort but he worried about pulling me away from work.   For example just last week he woke up with a debilitating headache.   He needed my help getting from the bedroom to the office.   I left for work, worried about if his headache would get better and he would feel more comfortable getting around.    It's hard to even explain how being able to work at home provides such a profound blessing of peace.

    Another great blessing we've already felt in just the few short days is the ability to be more flexible with my schedule.   Rather than going back and forth between home, the hospital and my work... my work can also, to a large extent, travel with me.   Today was chemo and unfortunately hospital policy still won't allow me to be there with him.   I got up early and was able to make up the hours I would miss while driving him back and forth.   As well, in the future, I can bring my laptop and work while I'm there. 

     What is this new job?  I haven't left the company that I love and have dedicated over half my life to... I've just moved to working in the background.   There's still much to discover about what my job will entail, but in general, I'll be helping with marketing for Seagull and Covenant.    I'm excited to be learning new things and hopefully putting some of my current skills to even greater use.

    So as the COVID numbers keep rising and the world outside seems to be getting crazier with each day, I'm so very grateful for the changes that life brought us this past month.