Tomorrow

     Continuous fluids and several medications and the numbers show that Chris's kidney's are doing better.   His creatinine is still elevated, but coming down.  It was 4.5 on Halloween, down to 2.9 now and 1.25 is normal, however since last year Chris is usually around 1.4.  His potassium is on the high end of normal.   The doctor's feel like it was safe for him to return home.  He's still overloaded with fluids and his legs and feet are red and painful to the touch from stretching to accommodate the fluid.  Added to the neuropathy from chemo that he already had, it's very difficult and painful to walk.   We haven't seen Dr Sborov since Halloween, and he checked in on us today.   He recognizes this has been a huge setback, one that's going to take quite some time to recover from.   The doctors in charge of his care while in the hospital think this was likely just a complication from the meds his kidney doctor put him on.   In some ways it's comforting that it doesn't appear to be a sign that the myeloma is outsmarting the chemo, but it's also heart breaking to know that the specialist who was supposed to help us safely reduce the swelling did exactly the opposite.   This very likely could have been avoided.  
  
      We were blessed this trip with some amazing nurses and aides.    A few we even had for a couple days in a row.   I can only imagine how difficult a nurses job is and am so grateful for all that they do to keep Chris safe, comfortable and cared for when he has to be in the hospital.   One moment when out walking the halls an alarm sounded in a room and I watched a half a dozen nurses and aides run into a room to help.   At one point, Chris picked up on the fact that one of his nurses seemed a bit overwhelmed and spent the rest of the day trying to cheer her up.   She had casually mentioned that she never heard her name, and so we both made an effort to sincerely thank her, including her name (Aimee) when we had a chance.   Working with Aimee was an aide named Luke.   Male nurses and aides aren't very common but are always a nice addition to the care team.   Luke was very knowledgeable and helpful and always put Chris at ease.   Another great nurse was named Maureen.   When we noticed that Chris's feet were red, hot, sensitive and very swollen and asked her to check on them you could immediately tell how concerned she was.   When she later accidentally stepped on his foot while trying to get IV pole she was so remorseful.   When the pain subsided Chris did his best to make her laugh.   I love this quote because I feel it goes both ways.   Both from nurse to patient and patient to nurse.   Chris is always so appreciative of those who care for him.  

      This time we had mixed feelings about coming home.   Walking is so difficult and painful that being home means it would just be the two of us ensuring his safety.   However, it comes with the added benefit of his recliner.   He struggled the entire time to be comfortable and spent most of his time in a chair.   He tried the bed on a few occasions but the pain when leaned back from his kidney's made it intolerable.  Coming back to his recliner where we know he's going to be able to rest comfortably is a huge blessing.   (Thank-you again Grandpa).   As well, being able to return to a shower where he not only feels safe but comfortable and a bit pampered as well is another huge plus.   (Thank-you Fred).  

       While returning to the comforts of home is a treat, tonight we also had another treat.   A sweet friend and employee from my time in St George had hot chocolate chip cookies delivered.   They were amazing!  Baking is a hobby I haven't had much time for lately, and we've both missed cookies fresh out of the oven.   These one were delicious!    Thank-you so much Jamie!  

      In our a support group I remember reading another myeloma caregiver saying that they don't like cancer being compared to a battle and that when a person dies from cancer they have lost the battle.   While I can see why they think this way, I think the analogy does fit very well.   I however don't see cancer as a battle, I see it as a war, one with many, many battles.   Sometimes the battle involves conquering the effects of chemo, sometimes it's choosing to get up and face another day despite the pain.   Sometimes it's a battle to stay positive and other days its a allowing feelings of sadness, fear and despair to escape as tears.   With all of his challenges, Chris is fighting a battle with multiple fronts.   It takes a lot of energy and planning to stay ahead of the enemy.   For tonight we wish to call a truce and hopefully have a small moment to recover.   Wednesday begins the start of cycle #8 of DRd.   With DRd and Dr Sborov as allies we are still winning and hope to keep it that way for quite some time to come.