I've decided that this summer has a theme. "Live More, Worry Less". Last summer was incredibly difficult, and while the change of seasons brought more trials, we've come a long way and finally reached a point where things are improving and a bit more bearable. "Live More, Worry Less" won't be easy, but it's a good and worthy goal.
With life being a little easier, I've been able to catch up on a few things. One thing that's been on my to do list was to somehow make our house easier to find. While we love where we live, the houses and streets are hard to navigate and the numbering confusing. Worried about an ambulance not being able to find our house in the event of a future emergency, I cut in reflective vinyl our address to put on our back gate. It's just a simple thing that didn't take me all that long, but it puts my mind at ease to have it in place.
Our trip on the railroad was one of our biggest excursions, but we've also tried to make memories by getting out of the house for things other than chemo and Dr.'s appointments. One of our favorite simple summer activities is to go for frosted lemonades at Chick-Fil-A. Chris also found a food truck that he really enjoys, its called "On the Hook" and serves amazing fish and chips. Like the decal on the gate, as something to put our mind at ease, after eating his delicious meal, we then drove through the cemetery looking at the available plots and discussing which we liked. Trying to put a difficult decision behind us in hopes that we won't need it for many years to come. When communicating recently with co-worker, whose husband was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and given a year to live, I said that "It makes trying to make decisions difficult, but adds lots of difficult decisions into the mix". This is a perfect example of a difficult decision.... cancer sucks!
While there are things that we love about summer, one thing that we don't love is the hot weather that it always brings. The longer days are nice, but the blistering hot is miserable. It's always a treat when there is a cool breeze blowing and we can venture out on the front porch for some cool fresh air. It's especially a treat when the cooler days occur on "dex" days. Dexamethasone (or Decadron) is a steroid and the little d in his DRd treatment. He takes it on infusion day and the day after. It is the medication that gives him insomnia and keeps him up until 4 AM even though he's exhausted. It also makes him super hot. For many in our support groups it can also make people mean, I'm so fortunate that he's still his sweet self. He always make sure to tell me that he appreciates all that I do for him, and apologizes for all we are going through. He's a sweet man all the way to the core, and I love him!
This past weekend I was able to spend time at my Grandpa's cabin celebrating his 85th birthday. Chris feels crummy most of the time, but weekends are usually the hardest. I debated all week if I should go. I also struggled to decide about spending the night. We have only spent a handful of nights apart in our entire marriage and being away from him is hard. In the end I decided to go and it was a great blessing to get away. Life as a caregiver is tough and often unrelenting. So many things to worry about and responsibilities to juggle, my mind is often overloaded and bogged down with details. To be able to step away and enjoy some peace and quiet was good for me and allowed me to recharge my batteries. Also good for me was to spend time laughing with my aunts, uncles and cousins. It was hard to be away, but I was glad I decided to go. 
Right when we were leaving, someone looked up and noticed smoke wafting above the treeline. Utah's dry winter has made for a very dangerous fire season and the smoke looked like it was just over the ridge. As we drove away, the magnitude of the fire came into view and it looked like it was growing rapidly. My heart was saddened as I wondered if this trip to the cabin was the last. When my Grandpa had been talking about how he built the cabin, he mentioned that it was one of the most fire resistant cabins, built with cinder blocks and "Hilton" bricks. Fire resistant is not the same as fire proof, and fires can be ruthless. The treasured cabin, a place of such fond memories, could be taken away in an instant. The fire is known as the Dollar Ridge Fire and grew from 200 acres to 6,600 in a few hours and now to 30,000 in just a day. It's considered to be the most complex wildfire currently growing in Utah. So far, the winds are blowing the fire the other way and the cabin appears to be safe. But the fire is impacting many people, structures have been lost and many people have been evacuated. 
Today while back at work the fire was on my mind. I realized that for us Chris's cancer is much like a wildfire. When it comes to a fire, several miles away is much too close. Cancer is the same way, having anyone you know battle cancer is too close to home. But having it arrive on your doorstep, it gives you no choice but to face it head on. As time has progressed and we gained a bit of distance we've realized the enormity of our situation. Resources and a great team of professionals are helping us with the battle. His battle for now is "well contained". The battle plan is working and we are gaining ground, but the danger is still eminent. The winds can shift at any given moment and we must give our entire effort to fighting. I once read that while they will often say that a fire is 100% contained, they don't consider a wildfire completely out until winter brings snow because there's always a potential for a hot spot to flare back up. Multiple Myeloma treatment has come a long way in the past several years and treatments are becoming more effective and longer lasting, but there is no known cure. Being contained does not mean that all is well and we can step away, it just means that what we are doing is working and we've got to keep fighting.
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