Although the risk of catching any illness is always something for us to worry about, I yearn for the day when all of us don't have to worry about being too close, wearing or not wearing a mask and the embrace of a hug is one that can be done only with love and not accompanied with a tinge of fear.
This week is the start of cycle 33 of DRd (#38 of chemo of all). Out of the blue, several people reached out to check on us this week and it brightened our week. As well, for the first time in many months the visitor policy at Huntsman had changed to allow me to attend chemo with him this week. The nurses there feel like family and it was good to see them again.
As we've been trying to navigate our way in a world with a pandemic while battling cancer, it's been hard to know where to find balance. In July, COVID levels were escalating statewide and Dr Sborov decided again to cancel Chris's infusion of Dara and just do Revlimid and Dex. As well, to avoid Chris having to even go out they even canceled his labs. This is something they haven't done before because accessing his port once a month keeps it working. It was a sobering reminder that despite what some may say, COVID is a real danger for us and our efforts to keep Chris safe are important. Numbers now are worse than they were then and it is getting closer and closer to home with several in our neighborhood in quarantine because of potential contact. As sad as it makes us, we've canceled plans for a fun small Halloween party and determined that we likely will not attend any family events for the holiday's. We've found that Cancer alone is often lonely and are very grateful to have each other, but miss seeing friends and family. Aside from John, it's uncommon to have someone ring the doorbell, that when someone does there's also a moment of panic... should we get our masks out of the car? We are used to wearing a mask when we leave the house, but have yet to know what to do at home.
One Saturday night in July, we were headed to bed. Chris has struggled with fluid balance issues ever since his diagnosis and it has been worse than ever lately. He stepped strange and immense pain shot through his leg and he heard a horrible sound from his right knee. We both had a sinking feeling that things had just changed drastically for the worse. He was in extreme pain and the tears of pain running down his face broke my heart. He's a tough man, who has dealt with an extreme amount of pain, and tries to hide it. But this was too much. I feared surgery was in his future and I tried to figure out how I was going to get him to the hospital. Huntsman's policy of no visitors during this pandemic, has been hard on both of us, and he's been pretty adamant that he does not want to to go the hospital without me, even if he is sick. There was no way I would be able to get him to the car and I knew for sure that convincing him to let me call an ambulance was going to be an uphill battle. We decided to sleep on it. Somehow we got him to bed and I got him as comfortable as possible. It was a pretty sleepless night, we both woke up to him screaming in pain on more than one occasion. When we weren't sleeping I know we were both praying.
In early September I was able to go with Alicia, a good friend from work, and escape the heat to the sanctuary of the mountains at my Grandpa's cabin. We spent time relaxing, doing puzzles and making crepes. It turned out that my aunt Roxann was also there that weekend, she too seeking sanctuary from the troubles of the world. She took us kayaking at sunset. The lake was not it's typical calm at sunset. As we battled the waves, the lyrics to a song filled my mind.
Last month we also celebrated our 20th anniversary. While we would have loved to spend a week in a tropical location with waves, current situations eliminated that possibility. We celebrated instead at home by surrounding ourselves with all things tropical for the week. Eating food that reminded us of our 1st anniversary in Hawaii, watching shows about tropical places and dressed in tropical shirts. Our good friends even bought us food from their favorite Hawaiian place. We are still in shock that already 20 years have passed since the day we became one. The saying that time flies while you are having fun must be true! In a message with my brother this week he said that I was a great example to him of devotion, what a kind compliment. I feel it describes not just me, but our marriage as a whole. We are both very devoted to each other. To each other's health, happiness, security, comfort, well-being and love. We are so lucky to have found one another.
One Saturday night in July, we were headed to bed. Chris has struggled with fluid balance issues ever since his diagnosis and it has been worse than ever lately. He stepped strange and immense pain shot through his leg and he heard a horrible sound from his right knee. We both had a sinking feeling that things had just changed drastically for the worse. He was in extreme pain and the tears of pain running down his face broke my heart. He's a tough man, who has dealt with an extreme amount of pain, and tries to hide it. But this was too much. I feared surgery was in his future and I tried to figure out how I was going to get him to the hospital. Huntsman's policy of no visitors during this pandemic, has been hard on both of us, and he's been pretty adamant that he does not want to to go the hospital without me, even if he is sick. There was no way I would be able to get him to the car and I knew for sure that convincing him to let me call an ambulance was going to be an uphill battle. We decided to sleep on it. Somehow we got him to bed and I got him as comfortable as possible. It was a pretty sleepless night, we both woke up to him screaming in pain on more than one occasion. When we weren't sleeping I know we were both praying.
It was slightly better the next morning. He stayed in bed all day, keeping it elevated and avoiding moving as much as possible. By Monday however he was able to get up and about. He needed to rely heavily on me anytime he moved, and again we were both filled with gratitude that I was working from home and could easily pause what I was doing for a moment when he needed me. It slowly healed over time, and occasionally still is painful but he is doing much better and we are both so grateful for the answered prayers and the miracle.
On a happy note. We had a great opportunity in early July to attend a Garth Brooks concert. It was something on his bucket list and we had been able to attend one years ago. For me, who isn't a country music fan, I had an amazing time and it's been a happy memory to look back on.
For Christmas last year my Grandpa gifted us each some money and told us to use it on something we normally wouldn't. Depending on how Chris is feeling, leaving the house is a challenge and attending a regular concert would take a lot of effort with the potential to have to cancel last minute. Throw COVID in the mix and it likely would just be stressful.
But this, it was a magical. It was a beautiful evening. We packed some of our favorite snacks and enjoyed the concert from our vehicle, all while staying safe. We sang along to songs and enjoyed the cool evening breeze. Garth even sang one of Chris's favorite, but not super popular songs. A good friend and I were talking the other day about some of the good things that COVID has changed. If it weren't for everything going in, such a concert would likely never have been considered. I can only imagine how many other people, in circumstances similar to ours, also enjoyed the concert that night. One they otherwise likely wouldn't have been able to attend.
On a happy note. We had a great opportunity in early July to attend a Garth Brooks concert. It was something on his bucket list and we had been able to attend one years ago. For me, who isn't a country music fan, I had an amazing time and it's been a happy memory to look back on. For Christmas last year my Grandpa gifted us each some money and told us to use it on something we normally wouldn't. Depending on how Chris is feeling, leaving the house is a challenge and attending a regular concert would take a lot of effort with the potential to have to cancel last minute. Throw COVID in the mix and it likely would just be stressful.
But this, it was a magical. It was a beautiful evening. We packed some of our favorite snacks and enjoyed the concert from our vehicle, all while staying safe. We sang along to songs and enjoyed the cool evening breeze. Garth even sang one of Chris's favorite, but not super popular songs. A good friend and I were talking the other day about some of the good things that COVID has changed. If it weren't for everything going in, such a concert would likely never have been considered. I can only imagine how many other people, in circumstances similar to ours, also enjoyed the concert that night. One they otherwise likely wouldn't have been able to attend.
The winds and the waves shall obey thy will:
Peace, be still.Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea
Or demons or men or whatever it be,
No waters can swallow the ship where lies
The Master of ocean and earth and skies.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will: Peace, be still; peace, be still.
They all shall sweetly obey thy will: Peace, peace, be still.
As the seasons now change from summer to fall we also face another anniversary. October is a tough month, filled with many mixed emotions. It's been three years since Chris was diagnosed with myeloma and our world changed to one where chemo is our normal. We have adapted and adjusted to so many changes. It has brought us even closer together. With a deep love for each other and appreciation for the time we have together. As well, there is hope on the horizon. They are making great progress in treatments for myeloma. Sincere gratitude to those who have helped us make it this far. Your texts, cards, phone calls and other messages or offers of support have always come at a time when we needed them most. Thank-you!